the true possibility of pain

Uncategorized Mar 20, 2019

He looked straight into my eyes, with tears in his everything, and told me what she had done to him.

His mother, the one who was supposed to be his safe place, had not been.  And 50 years later, it was still the thing that defined him.

It was the 'why' of his Instagram.  The reason for his alcoholism.  And the thing he 'shared' with me so that I could understand him. 

He thought.

The thing is that I have really changed something fundamental about myself that makes someone 'sharing' this with me a very different experience for them.


Emotional pain was my constant companion until not that long ago.

My story about my pain (sexual abuse, emotional abuse) was just something that was.  It defined me, shaped me, created the filters through which I saw the world.

I had accepted it.  I lived with it, as it, and just.... dealt with it.

Access Consciousness was the first place where I was introduced to looking at it and questioning it.

It had never occurred to me...

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Are problems more real than the choices you have to create something different?

Uncategorized Feb 05, 2019
Your point of view creates your reality.
 
Dain said it. I love it.
 
But I think I may love it because I know I can just swap one point of view out for a point of view that just works better.
 
Now, I can't always achieve the swap 'just like that'.
 
Sometimes I need to unravel big galumped yarn-piles of unconsciousness to get to the space where I can get to another choice.
 
But for the most part, if I see something that I'm not a fan of in my life, I go looking for two things:
 
-- the point of view creating it
-- what I can choose that's different
 
I used to put all of my attention on and creative energy into 'the problem'.  Money has always been an area where the problems just seemed more real.  (And I do mean, seemed!)
 
It turns out, it wasn't more real than me, but because I hadn't had ANY other information in my world to tell me different, I went with feelings!
 
The thing is, lately, I find...
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S02 E33 - What IS life worth living? How do I get there?

What is life worth living and how the hell do you get there? 

I had a session today with a very cool entrepreneur and she is brilliant at what she does. (Are you brilliant at what you do?)

At the moment there is no contribution with money in her life and she is tired and bored in her business. Money follows joy and when you are bored and tired, guess what shows up?

Listen this weeks episode above about joy, boredom and money.

xoxo

Christel

P.S. What more awareness? Join our amazing Awareness Challenge.

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S02 E25 - Are you repeating the same thing over and over and over again?

Have you noticed the same thing showing up over and over again in your life? With money? With relationships?

What IS that?

Tell me what's going on for you? Want to explore what awareness you could be avoiding?!

 

Yours Truly

Christel

P.S. Get your very own How to Become Money Workbook here

 

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there was never anything more awkward

Uncategorized Nov 15, 2018
He kept telling me I was wonderful.
 
At a time when I "felt" particularly un-wonderful.
 
Less than wonderful.
Terrible.
Shitty.
Fucked.
Nothing-good-about-me-ever-NO.
 
And the next morning, when he said it again I looked over at him with my most intense
 
Fuck-ME-You're-the-stupidest-person-on-the-planet-go-DIE look.
 
He just sat there and grinned.
 
Like a fucking puppy.
 
He might as well have been wagging his tail and panting in my general direction
 
And I looked back over to the steering wheel and finally heard myself.
 
I wasn't willing to receive any of it, at ALL.
 
He was beaming at me and I was wishing him dead.
 
Thankfully, for the world , that month I was in the middle of about 4 live Access classes, and that morning, I got up to the microphone to ask about this 'wonderful' thing.
 
"Gary, I realized I haven't been receiving this at all!! How do...
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What choices could you make that would make your classes grow?

success Oct 22, 2018
I watched a new show on Netflix last night called Three Wives, One Husband.
 
I don't know what it is about those plural marriage shows, but they hook me like a train wreck and I can't look away.
 
And, this one really is different.
 
It's less side-show-oddity and more this-is-what-is-for-these-people.
 
It really warmed me.
 
The part that really struck me was everyone's acknowledgement that this way of living was a choice.
 
Women that were considering being a third wife in a family courted the entire family for months at a time. They looked at the choice they were making. Considered the futures it would create.
 
Widows who had told their dying husband that they would consider his brothers as first choices for next-husbands met with the already-families and wives and everyone together looked honestly at what it would change.
 
And the ones that were committed to it, were willing to succeed at it, no matter...
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PESJR's: or that time I destroyed my marriage

Uncategorized Oct 13, 2018
"There just isn't any emotional intimacy," I said, looking into the eyes of a deeply caring stranger in the garden centre where I worked.
 
Now this stranger and I had admittedly gotten into a very deep conversation over the tops of the shrubs - it wasn't my everyday conversation.  
 
But the words out of me couldn't have been truer for me at that moment.  I truly did have that point of view, and it was eating me up inside, and I was using it to destroy my marriage.
 
My second marriage was one fight, one tear-fest after another.
 
And while I can look back now and see EXACTLY what it was that created it, at the time, I was grasping at whatever straws I had and fighting for what I thought was right.
 
I always FELT wrong, but somewhere, somehow, I was sure that I was right. About the wrong.  Trying to be right.
 
It was fucked.
 
Right and wrong had just gotten me into difficulty after wrongness after rightness after...
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a very un-Thanksgiving blog

gratitude Oct 07, 2018

I never really got it when Gary, Dain or anyone else would talk about receiving the gift of me.

Well, tomorrow is the Canadian Thanksgiving.

And being down in the States now, I almost forgot.  

But I got to chatting with my friend Maxine and the aromas of apple and turkey coming from her kitchen in Ontario stirred me, and it got me started musing about gratitude.

Gratitude has always and only ever been a concept to me until very recently.

I've done it and made the lists.

I've felt guilty for not being grateful.

I've sat around Thanksgiving dinner tables and said what I was grateful for.

But in truth, it always seemed like this key to a kingdom that I was just not destined to find, and sarcasm and cynicism became my basic favorite go-to's.

And then this year, I got to hang out with Stephanie.

That girl is grateful for sunrises, sunsets, doggies, and coffee.  But she's also grateful for lying! And discovering limitations! And small, ridiculous choices!

And as we spent...

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Is it men we need to fight against?

feminism Sep 30, 2018
Today, supposedly, we who are card-carrying vagina-havers are supposed to black out our profile pictures to show men what the world would be like without women.
 
The Cavenaugh thing has exploded and once again, women "taking their power" seems to be a thing.
 
To be fair, I've only watched the news just enough to know that the people in power, who happen to have penis's, are moving their agenda forward in whatever way they can.
 
Riding on the back of #metoo, there's a thunderous energetic roar coming from mouths of women around the world: we will not be mistreated anymore!
 
Amin. Amen. You can't treat me that way. Ever. Yes.
 
And, as a card-carrying member of the other set of genitals, I'm really asking some different questions.
 
Are all men the enemies?
 
Is it really men who we need to fight?
 
I know men that abuse women.
And men that abuse men.
I know women that abuse women.
And women that abuse...
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Three days ago, I was someone else.

hiding Aug 24, 2018

I have gotten more messages in the last week than I think I ever have, thanking me for my videos and vulnerability.

But in the last few days, the messages have changed even more to note how much I've changed.

How much more me I am.

And I FEEL it.

I am different inside.

Three days ago, I made a different choice.

And I didn't travel to a big Access class or attend a 7-day.

I did six things:

  • I woke up feeling fucked up and asked myself if I wanted to live there or make a different choice.
  • I made a different choice, instead of staying that way all day.
  • I put on the audio of an Access class: Happiness is Just a Choice.
  • I really, really acknowledged just how fucking aware I really am.
  • I made the choice to have my reality of happiness no matter who was around me or what I was aware of.
  • I got to work.

Creating a totally different reality is a conversation I've heard since the moment I started listening to Access Consciousness stuff.

I totally didn't get it.

At first, I thought it meant...

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I'm so excited we get to stay in touch!

I wrote you a love letter with lots of links.  It will be like you subscribed to Netflix but with my face all over it.