He looked straight into my eyes, with tears in his everything, and told me what she had done to him.

His mother, the one who was supposed to be his safe place, had not been.  And 50 years later, it was still the thing that defined him.

It was the 'why' of his Instagram.  The reason for his alcoholism.  And the thing he 'shared' with me so that I could understand him. 

He thought.

The thing is that I have really changed something fundamental about myself that makes someone 'sharing' this with me a very different experience for them.

Emotional pain was my constant companion until not that long ago.

My story about my pain (sexual abuse, emotional abuse) was just something that was.  It defined me, shaped me, created the filters through which I saw the world.

I had accepted it.  I lived with it, as it, and just.... dealt with it.

Access Consciousness was the first place where I was introduced to looking at it and questioning it.

It had never occurred to me...

What is life worth living and how the hell do you get there? 

I had a session today with a very cool entrepreneur and she is brilliant at what she does. (Are you brilliant at what you do?)

At the moment there is no contribution with money in her life and she is tired and bored in her business. Money follows joy and when you are bored and tired, guess what shows up?

Listen this weeks episode above about joy, boredom and money.

xoxo

Christel

P.S. What more awareness? Join our amazing Awareness Challenge.

Have you noticed the same thing showing up over and over again in your life? With money? With relationships?

What IS that?

Tell me what's going on for you? Want to explore what awareness you could be avoiding?!

Yours Truly

Christel

P.S. Get your very own How to Become Money Workbook here

I never really got it when Gary, Dain or anyone else would talk about receiving the gift of me.

Well, tomorrow is the Canadian Thanksgiving.

And being down in the States now, I almost forgot.  

But I got to chatting with my friend Maxine and the aromas of apple and turkey coming from her kitchen in Ontario stirred me, and it got me started musing about gratitude.

Gratitude has always and only ever been a concept to me until very recently.

I've done it and made the lists.

I've felt guilty for not being grateful.

I've sat around Thanksgiving dinner tables and said what I was grateful for.

But in truth, it always seemed like this key to a kingdom that I was just not destined to find, and sarcasm and cynicism became my basic favorite go-to's.

And then this year, I got to hang out with Stephanie.

That girl is grateful for sunrises, sunsets, doggies, and coffee.  But she's also grateful for lying! And discovering limitations! And small, ridiculous choices!

And as we spent...

I have gotten more messages in the last week than I think I ever have, thanking me for my videos and vulnerability.

But in the last few days, the messages have changed even more to note how much I've changed.

How much more me I am.

And I FEEL it.

I am different inside.

Three days ago, I made a different choice.

And I didn't travel to a big Access class or attend a 7-day.

I did six things:

• I woke up feeling fucked up and asked myself if I wanted to live there or make a different choice.
• I made a different choice, instead of staying that way all day.
• I put on the audio of an Access class: Happiness is Just a Choice.
• I really, really acknowledged just how fucking aware I really am.
• I made the choice to have my reality of happiness no matter who was around me or what I was aware of.
• I got to work.

Creating a totally different reality is a conversation I've heard since the moment I started listening to Access Consciousness stuff.

I totally didn't get it.

At first, I thought it meant...