I spent so much of my life trying to be cool enough, or hot enough, or put together enough to get what I wanted, or what I thought I wanted in relationships.
It turns out I only needed to be more of.... all of.... me.
But I really had no idea how to do that before Access Consciousness.
I remember sitting at the desk I was working at, saying out loud: There HAS to be a way to be happy without having to see a professional 3 times a week.
Three times a week.
That's how many appointments I needed with someone to just stay even keel.
To not want to cry myself to sleep.
Or fight with my husband.
Or want to kill everyone in sight from the stress of it all.
I was on suppliments, meditation, journaling, nutrition, working out, and it was helping some, but just some.
Until Access. And the tools. And me using them like a fiend to get my life to finally work for me.
So, here's what I think everyone should know about being you:
I was a guest blogger on the Access Consciousness blog recently, because, well, I had a lot of say on this topic! :D
What if your life wasn't just a pain in the ass - but could be the source of learning every tool you need?
Here's an amazing blog, in case not having arguments would be more fun for you, too.
There are days when I’m all over being happy. Choosing it. Using the tools that bring more of that energy into my life.
And then there are days like today.
Sure… did something change today? Yea.
I sat down and talked to my roommate about it and realized that I really was trying to make it more significant than it really was.
Something was what it was. And now it is what it is. And the future is brighter and lighter, and possibilities are greater.
And then as I was getting ready, listening to music, my body started to cry.
I thought about how it got better. I wondered briefly who it belonged to. And then I realized I just needed to dive right into it and let it, and me, be.
Here’s my top three tools for when you don’t want any stinkin’ tools. And the theme being: sweet beautiful you, don’t judge yourself.
Tool #1: As you realize that you would rather wear a huge sweater, a ball cap and headphones...
I walked out of my condo today, earbuds in and swelled up with gratitude and of it all.
I used to play in the worship band at my very cool, movie-theatre church.
And lately that energy and desire to be in it and create more of it in the world has been taking me over.
I've been blaring the Modern Worship channel on Google Play Music like it's oxygen.
And so with "just be loved" playing deep into my ears and the tears rising in my eyes, I realized that this was what I wanted to tell you today.
That right in the fray and chaos of everything changing... right in the middle of the unknown and the uncomfort of everything you are that you have no idea how to be yet...
...that you are still surrounded.
As I was standing at the elevator feeling this flash of "I'm so alone," I instantly asked who it belonged to... and got this sweeping sense of all of it. Not mine. And totally present.
"Just be loved", playing in my ears, I...
I thought life was supposed to be fair. :)
But no one else in the world listened to what I thought it should be.
They kept just being what they were being with no thought at all to what I thought should be.
And so what I learned is that it doesn't matter what is going on....
-- things changing suddenly.
-- you feeling blindsided.
-- you feeling victimized in some way.
You - I - always have choice.
We both get to choose whether or not we react.
If we react, we get to choose what level of tantrum we throw.
We can really over do it -- state how unfair everything is.
Or we can choose something different.
I am, NOT today, where I've always been.
I've, for most of it, felt victimized by my whole life.
Everything everyone else chose swayed and buffeted me.
I was angry. Sad. Frustrated. And felt like I couldn't do anything about it.
This "choosing something different" has not always been easy for me.
But I got SO sick of being upset all the time.
Financial awareness was supposed to be about getting my receipts in order.
But as I was changing my shirt today, and looking down at the receipts on my floor, I suddenly got that they are actually the smallest piece.
Every day that me and Melanie and Stephanie get together, we open up and look at areas of our life that I had no idea were even related.
What we'd like to create as our future.
The systems we can put in place to support that future.
The people we can add to free us up to create it.
The way of functioning in the world that is us not just playing a role on TV - but being everything that we are in totality.
It's crazy. And amazing :)
Who or what could you add to your life today that would begin to actualize a totally different future right away?
Did you know that if you're frustrated in any process, that you are very likely missing information?
We found SO much more info today that is gonna make this financial process so much more fun.
It seems that choosing to create things leads to asking more questions so that you can create it!
Did you know that keeping your books isn't just because you HAVE to?
Or so you can pay your taxes?
It also seems that if you're willing to be saavy, those numbers can also speak sweet somethings in your ear.
So, Day 4 of this financial awareness journey finds me on a rock :)
Sometimes sitting ON the earth settles things for me.
And one of the biggest awarenesses I"m having, post-rock, is how much I tend to go to the not-fun of something, rather than the wondering about the how-can-it-be-fun of something!
Stephanie, Melanie, and I had an amazing money meeting this morning, and Steph really opened my awareness up to the possibilities of knowing my numbers, rather than the drudgery of having to produce them.
And I carried that awareness in with me to my meeting with the accountant... and will wonder some more about systems when I meet with the bookkeeper...
But I'll leave you with this:
What if your business numbers could give you information that could incite and invite you to create differently and more?
It turns out my point of view about sorting receipts is exactly the same point of view I have about boiling water.
While I was boiling water for coffee this morning, it occurred to be that I would be hungry later, and I thought to boil water for pasta as well, so that I could just toss the noodles together with sauce later.
Immediately my mind went to "Ugh. That takes too long."
Which is when I realized that that was the same point of view I had about my receipts.
Which was why they were still on my bedroom floor.
The truth was, it only took about 10 minutes to boil pasta water, and while it was boiling, I made my coffee, answered some emails, wet and dried my hair, and made a video.
It truly was - just a point of view.
Gary Douglas talks about writing a book in 20 min a day segments.
And that if you continually do that, the book will be written.
How much do I procrastinate doing the things that will get things done while making myself wrong for the procrastinating while not doing...
It doesn't look like just one video a day is actually going to work for me. :)
Because I was showering, and realizing I needed more of a map of how my money could flow to make it more ease on me.
And as I drew it, it became more clear about where I could get more clear.
Please! If you know anything else about this, YOU draw me a map!
And Day 2.5 and counting.... onwards!! :)
Every two weeks, a free challenge with a me & a potent-ass Access Consciousness® tool. Total gamechanger!