I caught myself today.
Trying to be 'right'. The right facilitator for you.
Rightly conscious. And successful so that you'll like me. Approve of me. Want to pay me.
I didn't know I was doing it.
It took an entirely unrelated chain of events to show me what I was choosing.
I had to look at 'death as my back door' to get there. 😳
But there it is.
Gary Douglas did a call the other day that he called The Contribution Call.
We all got really inspired pre-call and a few thousand of us jumped on live.
Gary, finally asking for contribution!! Gary, saying that he was asking for something once that he would never ask for again, got all of us like... ????
And then it came out of his mouth:
the biggest contribution we could be for him was to begin making the choices that created more consciousness.
Tears streamed down my face.
The gratitude that poured out of other people's mouths after he asked caused even more.
He wanted us to make the choices that create more consciousness.
And that was "all".
Somewhere in that same set of days, Shannon O'Hara started her series The Business of Succeeding.
Her first call blew my world wide open.
Tears streamed down my face.
And something in me began to burst open.
For the last 8 months I have been going AFTER consciousness.
Not more money.
Not a bigger business, although I've been aware that things are expanding at the root level - but consciousness. Where everything is included and nothing is judged.
I have PORED over the Ten Keys to Total Freedom.
Done bookclubs with Steph.
Began reading the reference materials.
Completely taken apart my life.
I broke up with Jon.
I chose to leave Vancouver.
I chose to leave my roommates.
I chose to stay with one friend. And then another and then another.
I chose to create a new business.
And then another one.
I chose to date someone new and love them quickly.
I chose to work with some people and change the way I worked with others.
I chose and I chose and I left and I added and I chose.
But what I wasn't aware of until today was how much I was judging myself for all of it.
Holy sweet lord, was I judging myself.
And keeping myself from me. And you.
I'm not sure why I'm writing this to you, on my website where it can be read into the future.
I suppose I just want to be vulnerable.
This consciousness business is so.... abnormal.
We consciousness seekers are so goddamn brave and weird.
This creating more consciousness on the planet just isn't what we thought and starts right here in our own worlds by getting out of judgment of anything and everything we're choosing.
And simply choosing again.
More than ever, today, I don't know cognitively where I am going. But more than ever, today, I am depending on my other senses.
More than ever, today, I am choosing to use the tools that get me out of judgment so I can even ask the question:
If I choose this, what will my life and the planet be like in 5 years?
If I don't choose this, what will my life and the planet be like in 5 years?
And more than ever, I'm seeing when I'm choosing from a distractor implant or an unconscious place.
More than ever I know that I know that I know - that I know. That I have something to be here. And say here. And change that only I can create.
More than ever I'm going after consciousness.
And truly, what else is possible that I've never considered?
If you knew, 'interesting point of view' created more consciousness would you choose it?
If 'who does it belong to' were the greatest gift you could give the world, would that inspire you enough to use it for every thought, feeling and emotion?
If you knew that 'how does it get better than this' was the greatest invitation you could make on a moment by moment basis would you add it to just... everything?
I am not the right facilitator for you.
I am just me. The gift that I am.
My choices to get out of judgment allow new choices to be available to everyone.
Your choices to get out of judgment allow new choices and consciousness to be available to everyone.
My choice to be as great as I am allow new choices to be available to everyone.
Your choice to be as great as you are... well, you see where I'm going with this.
You are a gift.
Your ability to choose to get out of judgment and create a different future is an ability most don't have.
And is a gift.
My ability to choose to change everything, recognize when I'm judging and change it is an ability that most don't have.
And is a gift.
Our willingness to get out of judgment about every little fucking thing and just choose is the contribution we can be.
Use whichever tool is going to get you out of judgment.
And then choose again.
And then use whichever tool is going to get you out of judgment.
And choose again.
I promise to always inspire you - both with my shortcomings and choices.
I promise to never, ever give up, and that when I do, to stand back up.
I promise to keep going after more consciousness even when I have no idea what that sentence even means.
And I just wonder: with me on my side, what's truly possible?
With you as your best facilitator, what kind of consciousness will you choose and create now? 😊
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