What if endings were a beginning?

change endings Jun 14, 2018

I heard Gary Douglas use the phrase once, 'the gift of decay'.

And it struck me in a way few things had.

Having spent five full years as a landscape designer, I'd spent my fair share of them somewhere down in the dirt.  They were my favorite hours, bringing to life the lines on a page I'd drawn in an office somewhere, and getting to feel my hands in the cool dirt and taste the richness of Earth as it entered through my nose across my tongue.

That earth, that dirt, was a blend of dead things.  Bugs, leaves, branches, roots, things I've yet to name.  And the more in it that was already dead, the richer it became.

I never thought to compare myself and my life to dirt until today.

Yesterday, I spent a fair bit of the day looking for where I was wrong in changing all the things, and one in particular, until my sweet friend looked at me and called me out on it.

"You keep looking for where you're wrong!"

She was right.  

As much as I'd facilitated everyone and their mother to start looking for the 'what's right about them they're not getting' I was failing at it myself.

And so today, I woke up and just made a different choice. 

Instead of wallowing, which seemed an easy slip, I got up and made coffee.  Changed out the laundry.  Calmed some barking dogs.  Instigated a few meetings.  Booked a consult with a new coaching client. Canceled some payment links.

And AS I was doing all the things, facing some of the things that went along with all the change, I started to get the gift of decay.

This didn't have to be an end that was sad.  In fact, endings only had to be sad if that was your point of view that they were sad!

Not only could I keep creating, but I could use all of this ending as the mulch and compost for the garden I AM nurturing, that could make what comes next so much more beautiful.

I write this to you because I go through these phases of my life where a few things change here and there.  I change a title or two.  Or my wardrobe.  Or the colour of my bed linens.

But then I go through these changes where I shed an entire person.

For me, everything's changed: my relationship, my living situation, my business partnership situation, my online programs - ALL of it.

And I wanted to invite both of us to what may be a different point of view about that.

I wanted to pop a warm, steaming cup of coffee in front of you, look at you from across the kitchen island, smile warmly into your eyes, and wonder.

Wonder about what's next.
Grin at what's likely possible.
Laugh at all the possibilities.

And embrace the gift. 

The gift of you.  The gift of me.  The gift of our choices.  The gift of not having to judge ourselves, at least, if only for today.

The gift of what we know that we can't explain to anyone else.  The gift of not having to.  The gift of choosing the things that only make sense to us.

The gift of being able to create ourselves anew every damn morning.  And the gift and the joy of discovering who the hell that is.

The gift of decay.

Today I wish for you ease and clarity in your moments.

Universe, what would it take for me to have clarity and ease with all of this?  How does it get even better?

And how can this turn out greater than I can possibly imagine?

Hugging you hugely from here.


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