Three days ago, I was someone else.

hiding Aug 24, 2018

I have gotten more messages in the last week than I think I ever have, thanking me for my videos and vulnerability.

But in the last few days, the messages have changed even more to note how much I've changed.

How much more me I am.

And I FEEL it.

I am different inside.

Three days ago, I made a different choice.

And I didn't travel to a big Access class or attend a 7-day.

I did six things:

  • I woke up feeling fucked up and asked myself if I wanted to live there or make a different choice.
  • I made a different choice, instead of staying that way all day.
  • I put on the audio of an Access class: Happiness is Just a Choice.
  • I really, really acknowledged just how fucking aware I really am.
  • I made the choice to have my reality of happiness no matter who was around me or what I was aware of.
  • I got to work.

Creating a totally different reality is a conversation I've heard since the moment I started listening to Access Consciousness stuff.

I totally didn't get it.

At first, I thought it meant finding the ideas that no one else had so that I could be as different as I knew I was.

I tried to be original. Unique.  Stand out.

I remember getting frustrated at everything everyone else was doing that was so similar to everything everyone else was doing, and I would resist and react if my stuff came anywhere close.

Then I sort of gave in, and started just duplicating everyone else, because why not.

This question of:

What totally different reality am I capable of generating, creating and instituting?

was only something I would smile and nod to, and to which I would never really pay any mind.

"Totally different reality" wasn't anything I could cognize.  Figure out. Define. And so it got thrown out with the recycling.

But you get it when you get it.

Here's the short version:

You are the totally different reality. 

Everything about you from the way you see the world, to the way you be in the world, to the things that occur to you to create.

You don't have to try to be it.  "Do" the being of it. 

You simply have to be it.  That. You.

But the thing we do that disempowers us from creating & being a totally different reality more than anything else is we buy into the things that we feel

The things that we think. 

The things that seem to match our point of view about ourselves.

And the moment we do that, we're in a completely made-up-but-feels-real universe that has nothing to do with what our reality is or what it is we're truly capable of.

That moment where we buy it, we create the lie.

What is actually awareness becomes something we have to fix - get over - change.

Choice leaves the picture, and we are in a powerless universe of our own creation.

We can no longer cre-ate anything different. 

We can only perpetuate and make bigger the reality of pain, suffering, struggle, doubt, hiding....  

I've taken apart my life this year.

I've stripped away everything I was using to boost myself up. Make myself important... pay-able... worth something.

It hasn't been comfortable or super fun.

But through it all, I've followed the energy even when it's made no sense.

And Shannon O'Hara changed my world this year when she asked all of us:

What is success to you?
How will you know when you've achieved it?
What are the energies you're champion-ing?
What are you fighting for?

Sweet Jesus, I thought I was going to fall through the floor.

On top of that, I was face to face with:  Christel Crawford, you will not let yourself be exposed.

What?!  Had that person SEEN me?!  Seen my videos?  Did they KNOW how many thank-you's I got for being vulnerable?  What did they mean "exposed"?

And so I started really looking at all of it. Asking the universe to show me.

Of course, I had one idea of what I thought it meant. 

Being willing to expose all the dirty, judge-able parts of me.  The tender parts of me.  All that hidden yucky stuff.

But on the other side of this, what I realize I've been hiding from the world is how freaking happy I am. 

How much joy I actually get from EVERYTHING. 

How ease things are for me.

Me being that happy was the perverted, judge-able thing in my family. 

Nobody else was, and I was/am so aware that I just became the prevalent energies because I had no information and I couldn't tell the difference between me and them, anyway.

I've been trying to clear them still, as if they're mine, instead of simply acknowledging how damn different I am, and exploring and being and creating from, that.

You may need to go back and read that five times.

Because I'm just wondering what's true for you, too.

 The lie is that we don't know.

The lie is that we can't.

The lie is that we have no-choice.

The lie is that things are as hard for us as they are for everyone else.

The lie is that we're unhappy.

The lie is that we're uncapable.

The lie is ____________________.  Fill in the blank.

ANYTHING that tells you can't or don't know or are any less capable than making another choice is lying to you.

Are you hiding you from the world?

Are you hiding you from the people around you?

And most of all - are you hiding you from you?

Is it time to flip the pillow to the cold side, open your eyes, let the sunlight stream in differently - and make another choice?


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