the most epic money question ever

money May 09, 2018

I saw my mother for the first time in awhile yesterday.

And I went into it ready to... whatever!

But definitely ready to use the tools.

And one of the things I've been really practicing, when I'm around these super trigger-ish people for me, is staying in and having and choosing, my reality.

Now, that is an interesting practice, as my reality isn't solid or one thing, and it has nothing to do with stating my truth or any of that stuff.

It's an energetic practice, most of all.

A practice where I don't go into their head or their world, trying to find out where I'm wrong.

You know that moment?  When their face goes a little funny or the energy of the whatever changes, and all of a sudden you're in there, trying to sort out 'what went wrong'?

Which is always, always, always the place where you're trying to find what YOU did wrong?

Yea.  I stayed out of that.

And what I really practiced was just being with them.  Just as they are.  And being interesting point of view.

Which brings me to the topic of money.

Because yesterday was me & my sister, taking my mom out to celebrate Mother's Day.  Not because any of us care about it that much or even that we wanted to take her out to somewhere super special - just... cuz.

So, as we were polling her to see where she wanted to go, it was super obvious that she'd already chosen where she wanted to go and why.  Her usual: Old Chicago's, which as she said 'was really affordable'.

Heather suggested openly that she could choose anything!  Even The Margarita!  Which is this cute little place in Colorado Springs that as my mother says is 'expensive'.

She hadn't even considered asking for what she actually wanted and had just assumed that we would choose the affordable thing.

Two things from that:

  1. It was super weird because it seemed like she was trying to protect us from spending "all that money" on her, but in reality, we weren't really able to gift her the thing that we were happy to gift her.
  2. I haven't told anyone this, but I am considering driving all the way to Chicago after my Foundation class in Lansing Michigan to have one birthday dinner at this place called Alinea. It's a minimum of $245 a person.  Plus wine.  And tip.  And the drive.  And the hotel.

And we're goin'.

Why?  Cuz I want to.  Cuz I can.  Because... living.


But it all made me give my head a shake, because we did!! I adopted her reality BIG time, for most of my life!  

And when I was in the beginning stages of getting through all these Access classes I wanted to take, I had NO idea how to shift this for myself.

I kept hearing 'just choose it!'

And so I started... 'just choosing it'.  Things.  Trips.  Classes.

And started just... creating.  Any way I could.

And that was the beginning.

That - is not in my mother's reality, anywhere.

Not anywhere.

She does not have that choice available to her, anywhere.

And here's the other thing: my mother is creating SO MUCH with her point of view of affordable. 

It has MAJOR purpose!

Why the f*ck would she drop something that is literally working so well?

I really did watch all night as she swung in and out of moments where she could choose to be her critical, hard-to-get-along-with self, or she could choose something else. 

And I grinned inside at the moments that she chose the way of being that was going to manipulate (artfully maneuver people) to do what she'd like them to do.


And that was all.

She didn't need to be different than she was.  I didn't need to be more like her.

We could just be.  Ourselves.  Choosing whatever.

And we're different.

And I'm different.

That sounds ridiculously simple.

But I can't even count how many times I've heard Gary Douglas try to get us to acknowledge the brilliance in your choices, and how many of us bypass him completely on our way to the self-judgment highway for the choices we think we should have made.

The truth is you have everything you need to have all the money you'd like to have.

You may be missing information - or questions - or that empowered space.... but it's something you can be and choose.

What's the purpose of choosing no money?

If you read that question above and get present with it, what comes up? 

Personally, it makes me laugh every.single.time ­čśü

Which, by the way, is the physical response that happens when you're being acknowledged for something.

And every time I ask myself this question around something I'm trying to make a problem, or I'm frustrated that 'won't change', I get SO much information.

Mostly how whatever it is I'm choosing that I'm saying is 'wrong' is actually creating something for me.

I always feel like a grinning kid who's hands have CLEARLY been in the cookie jar.

You can only change something that you're willing to have no judgment about.

Willing to get present with.

And this question, if you're willing, invites you to be present with the here-to-for unconscious (and yet brilliant) you.

And you get to just be with exactly what you've created and chosen - without judging you.

Guess what opens up after that?

The possibilities to choose.

Anything else.

Ask another question.
Make another choice.
Laugh at yourself and have some tequila.


I'm so grateful.


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