Two days ago, I sent off a message that changed something I had been putting off changing for.... a while.
I had all kinds of reasons for putting it off.
I had all kinds of benefits from continuing to choose it that I would lose once I made a different choice, and all I had to do to keep those benefits coming in was choose to do more stuff that really wasn't that hard for me.
Truly, there were all the logical reasons for it not to change.
But when I asked the question: What would my life and future be like in the next 5 years if I changed it? It was incredibly light to change it.
This is the thing about following your awareness of the different future you know: it don't make no freaking sense. And on the outside it can seem... unkind. Self-centered.
I've been spending a lot of time lately looking at what I've been creating with my life. And then even more time looking at what I'd really like to be choosing.
I'd never looked at it so closely before because it was so strongly impelled at me that doing that was self-centered. Unkind.
But as I did it, I saw really blatantly what really wasn’t important to me - that I was still doing. And got, that in those areas, I wasn't functioning from a priority: I was full-on functioning from an agenda.
It turned out that this agenda was EVERYWHERE. In fact, it was making my body hurt. Because when it changed finally - and I sobbed for 4 straight hours from the relief of it all - my body stopped hurting.
Getting clear on your priorities and agendas can be a confronting thing. When you see them, you can’t un-see them. When you start to realize you’re doing some of the stuff in your life for reasons you haven’t been willing to look at, nothing can stay the same.
As I looked at my actual priorities and the ones I wanted to make my priorities, I knew I had to make a choice.
It was actually completely self-serving to keep 'trying' to do the thing I didn't want to be doing anymore. It wasn't actually contributing anything to anyone because my heart wasn't in it.
However, choosing the thing that matched my actual priorities was not comfortable.
It played out how I was aware it would. And being on the receiving end of how it played out sent me into an 8 hour head trip where I wrestled with the automatic point of view that I was somehow wrong. That if I had done it a different way at a different time, it might have created something different.
But I didn't, and here I was, trying really hard not to be wrong. Good golly.
Which, honestly, I think is a lot of what we try to avoid when we don’t choose the things we’re aware will create something radically different in our lives.
We want to avoid feeling wrong.
The thing is that you aren’t actually wrong. Ever. There aren’t actually any right or wrong choices. There are only futures that get created when you make choices. This is a weird, true reality that gets way more real as you start practicing it.
And the practice of beginning to get clear on your priorities and then making the choices that will actualize them, is the practice of having your own back. Trusting yourself and how different and aware you are. Trusting that even when what you’re choosing isn’t the popular choice around you, that you know. YOU know.
I’ll tell you, even though the whole thing was uncomfortable, on the other side of that message, I’m having a peace and an ease with myself that my body has been asking for and there is space for me to create so much more.
So, if you are wanting to create your life as YOU, and you don’t want to wait until your family goes home, or the world changes, or anything else anymore… you can start here:
1. Start by looking around at where your life is right now. You created it here, with your priorities and agendas. What is it? What's showing up?
2. What are your current priorities based on what you're observing about your life at the moment?
3. What would you change about what's showing up? And if you don't 'feel' like you can change that thing, what agenda are you functioning from that makes that thing hard to change?
4. If you weren't functioning from agendas and could begin to function from priorities, what would you choose?
5. What do you need to do or be different to make things show up in a different way?
What would change in your world if you willing to be truly self-centered? Is the reality you're aware of - your reality - less inclusive or is it actually more?
Will the world show up differently as you're willing to put your reality first in line for actualization?
If you spent more time creating from the space of you, instead of always reacting to the priorities and agendas of everyone else, what kinds of things would change?
How much happier would you be?
And how would you change the world around you as that space?
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