I suppose I'm maybe going through a mid-life crisis of sorts.
I have tears streaming down my face.
I just watched this:
I don't know what's going on with me lately.
I feel like I'm pulling away from the champagne bubbles of all the traveling and drinking prosecco and the jet-setting I was doing.
There is a huge gratitude I have right now for being home.
And since I've been home, there's been Standing Rock, and now Aleppo... and I've been faced with some really big questions.
I walked around this morning wondering what it was I truly wanted to create with my life.
With my willingness to let all the travel go temporarily, I wondered what else I could choose that I'd never considered.
My freshest thoughts being I could go to Aleppo, I thought! I could be a volunteer!
I could go to the refugee camps and run Bars and help coordinate aid.
And as I sit here writing this, with tears streaming, I'm destroying and uncreating everywhere I've been the war-monger. Everywhere where I had a "people" and I watched them die.
It's shifting something.
I'm writing this here because I feel like I can't write nothing.
And I wonder about us.
I wonder about me. And why I chose such a time as this. Why I chose this body and this country and this time.
I don't try to figure it out anymore. What it will look like.
But I am looking at everywhere I can infuse this level of caring in to whatever it is I'm creating.
I'm wondering in every 10 seconds if "this" is what I want to be choosing or if it's something else.
I'm stopping the incessant comparing I've been doing to everyone else I know who does this work.
And I'm starting to really ask ME what I truly desire.
To create. To change. To contribute to.
Choice changes things. I can choose.
I can choose.
I can choose.
PS. Here's something you could choose, if you'd like to help.
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from Universe Christel.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared. That's just... who does that?!
I wrote you a love letter with lots of links. It will be like you subscribed to Netflix but with my face all over it.