I suppose I'm maybe going through a mid-life crisis of sorts.
I have tears streaming down my face.
I just watched this:
I don't know what's going on with me lately.
I feel like I'm pulling away from the champagne bubbles of all the traveling and drinking prosecco and the jet-setting I was doing.
There is a huge gratitude I have right now for being home.
And since I've been home, there's been Standing Rock, and now Aleppo... and I've been faced with some really big questions.
I walked around this morning wondering what it was I truly wanted to create with my life.
With my willingness to let all the travel go temporarily, I wondered what else I could choose that I'd never considered.
My freshest thoughts being I could go to Aleppo, I thought! I could be a volunteer!
I could go to the refugee camps and run Bars and help coordinate aid.
And as I sit here writing this, with tears streaming, I'm destroying and uncreating everywhere I've been the war-monger. Everywhere where I had a "people" and I watched them die.
It's shifting something.
I'm writing this here because I feel like I can't write nothing.
And I wonder about us.
I wonder about me. And why I chose such a time as this. Why I chose this body and this country and this time.
I don't try to figure it out anymore. What it will look like.
But I am looking at everywhere I can infuse this level of caring in to whatever it is I'm creating.
I'm wondering in every 10 seconds if "this" is what I want to be choosing or if it's something else.
I'm stopping the incessant comparing I've been doing to everyone else I know who does this work.
And I'm starting to really ask ME what I truly desire.
To create. To change. To contribute to.
Choice changes things. I can choose.
I can choose.
I can choose.
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